Transcript

Episode 85 – Tough Love Retreat 

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Emy

Hi, everyone. This is Emmy. Welcome back to the Counseling Corner.

I’m here with my co-host, Gabi Reyes, and she is the guest today.

Gabi

Yeah.

Emy

We thought it would be good to do kind of a recap on what how the tough love retreat.

First she’ll tell you a little bit about tough love for those of you that haven’t heard my our earlier podcast and how the retreat went. We had it in the summer in June or July and how it went and she’ll let you know when the next one is, what went well and what you think she’s planning on adding. And I don’t know anything else, tough love.

So go ahead, Gabi.

Gabi

Awesome. So we were so excited. We worked so long on this.

Honestly, we spent months and months preparing every detail to the last. It’s crazy because you think a retreat and it doesn’t sound as time consuming as at least I found it to be right. All these details that you don’t really think about that need to come together in the in the right way.

And because it was our first, you know, I think all of us had a very general nervousness around the idea of it. And, you know, we had high hopes. We were so passionate about making it what we were picturing that, thankfully, it came out amazing.

And you know, everyone had such wonderful feedback about the retreat and what they experienced and their favorite parts. Very little feedback about what they would change, right? I think one person told us that we should let everyone know that they should bring an extra pair of flip flops for after yoga.

Right. Those are the kind of things that were added to the list of things they had to say after the retreat. Right.

Emy

So, Gabi, before you go on, for anyone out there that is not familiar with the retreat and our earlier podcast, tell a little bit, tell them a little bit about the clinicians that were there, what it was set up as and now what they can expect and what you’re looking at to do the break, the breakout rooms and all of that.

Gabi

Absolutely. Absolutely. So Tough Love Retreat was something I came up with, with the help of with the help of my boyfriend.

We went to this these beautiful botanical gardens that a friend of mine and her husband owns. And we went over there to do a vision board kind of exercise with a group of our friends. And the place was so beautiful.

It really is breathtaking. So much nature. It’s huge, very green, very full of life.

And it was just such a beautiful place. And when we got back home, my boyfriend told me like, man, you should plan a retreat there. You should talk to Lucy, our director here at Coral Gables Counseling Center, and try to plan a retreat.

So we were already feeling very creative after that little exercise that we did at this beautiful place. So we sat down and started writing out ideas. And wouldn’t it be cool to do a retreat based around love and people’s fears around love and something that everybody can really connect with?

Because it’s not just intimate love, it’s love in general, right? Every aspect, every step of it. And so the more we talked about it, the more excited we got, and the more the ideas kept coming.

And so I immediately messaged Lucy and I was like, hey, I have this idea I’d like to sit down and talk to you about. And Lucy, ever supporting of everything, immediately said, like, let’s do it. Let’s set it up.

Let’s see, you know, what would come of it. And so I spoke to you, Emy. I spoke to Cristina, which I always call Titi, but she’s another life coach here at the office.

And a few of my friends and therapists that I thought would enjoy doing this. And so everybody was very enthusiastic. Everybody was in immediately, which is so great.

I think that’s one of the most wonderful things about everybody here at Coral Gables Counseling Center that we’re also like ready to dive in to new projects. You know, there’s a lot of support here, which I feel very blessed about. So we started planning.

We set a date. It was months in advance because I think at that point we knew we had a good idea of everything that we would have to unravel in order to make the event what we wanted to make it. We also, you know, did a big push in marketing and getting that information out there.

A lot of my friends helped us and it was, it, all the ideas that we had ended up coming together very beautifully. We, you know, we always talk about here in Coral Gables Counseling Center, our catchphrase, right? It’s on a lot of our marketing materials.

Give your mind, body and spirit some love, right? And so we really wanted to embody that in this event. We wanted it to be mind, body and spirit.

And so for the mind aspect, we had three clinicians, including myself, who did talks about different topics, right? We had talks about communication. We called it lost in translation.

And that was a long talk about how people get, you know, lost in translation with each other. We have very, a lot of new means of communication, but a lot of them are very cold and distant and, and give you the option to be short, leaves a lot of room for interpretation. So that was a wonderful talk.

We did another talk, you know, talks about intimacy, talks about fears, talks about dating. And so it was really wonderful. The three clinicians, it was Nikki, a licensed marriage and family therapist, like me, Carlos Escanilla, who’s a licensed mental health counselor.

And me, who’s also a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Emy

And how long were the talks?

Gabi

You know, they varied, but they were around 45 minutes, 40 to 45 minutes. The great thing is that in each talk, we paired up. So Carlos and I did a talk together, Carlos and Nikki did a talk together, and then Nikki and I did a talk together.

Emy

Oh, I love that.

Gabi

So it’s wonderful because it reminded us that we got the idea from our podcast actually because we were like, man, it’s so great when we can feed off of each other. And we, we really do in every podcast we’ve ever done. The conversation flows so easily, more information is out there because of that conversation.

So we thought it would be great to do it together. We were also a little nervous, so it was perfect. You know, getting up there in front of a bunch of people is always very nerve wracking, no matter how wonderful, you know, the information is or how comfortable you feel with the person you’re talking to.

It’s still a scary experience. And so that was the mind aspect. In the body aspect, we had a friend of ours, an amazing yoga teacher, Jackie, go out and do a whole, a very heart opening, you know, in the areas where we hold trauma, according to the practice of yoga, a lot of very opening movements.

So it was a whole yoga experience. And it was wonderful. You know, it really got people in a little workout mode and moving their bodies.

And then for the spirit, we had a few things. We had sound bowls. We had my boyfriend who’s a musician was singing with it and playing his guitar, really beautiful sounds throughout the day.

We also had delicious food, really, really yummy food. And we had breakout groups that I think really fed the spirit, allowed people to talk a little bit more to bring things up and talk about what they experienced and the breakout groups were after the talks, right, right after the talks. After each talk, there would have breakout groups.

I think it was about five to 10 people in each breakout group. And so it’s a little bit more of an intimate setting, each with either a coach or a clinician. And we had a list of questions that would kind of get conversations going.

You know, and a lot of people talked about what they learned from the talks, what touched them, what really got them, what really got them about those talks, what they could connect with. And our life coach, Cristina, did this beautiful meditation that had some of the people there crying. It was a great release and moment to just lay with ourselves and with our minds.

And it was just a beautiful experience, all in all. It was a long day, you know, I think that was what at least I was most nervous about. And what I thought, you know, there would be some adjusting that could be done, but it was such a long day that, but it didn’t feel that way.

It went by so quickly, everybody was happy towards the end, you know, nobody looked disgruntled or too hot or ready to go home, like, everybody was very happy and feeling, feeling safe, feeling good, feeling like they got a lot out of it. And, you know, all the feedback that we got after was wonderful. Everybody said, like, you didn’t feel the time that you were there.

You know, everybody was so kind and they connected so much. And it kind of felt like a refresher. We had a lot of couples that went, as well as a lot of single people, because we didn’t want to choose one or the other.

We felt like the talks were important, no matter where you were. And you know, the couples that we had there, like, they felt their connection grew. They felt like they gained a lot of tools.

And then the people who were single there had someone tell me that, you know, she felt as though seeing those relationships and seeing those people going in like these married couples, going in and working on themselves and putting in the work and being happy to be present there and working through these things and being vulnerable and talking about all these things about their relationship and their difficulties and their struggles. It made her feel like, wow, I have hope that I’ll find someone willing to do this with me.

So it was really great to have both of them there, which is also another thing that we did with it was pretty experimental. Usually retreats are either a couple’s retreat, a singles retreat, you know, male or female. And we really just wanted everyone thrown in at once.

Emy

And were you able, were you able in the talks to give information that was relative to both singles and couples?

Gabi

Okay, absolutely. Absolutely. And that’s what was great, right?

As far as communication goes, we talked a lot about ghosting and the silent treatment, right? Stonewalling a partner. It’s very similar to ghosting somebody new.

It’s you pushing them away without any explanation, without any conversation. And so a lot of the things we were able to tie into each other and, you know, most of the people that were there because we had everyone fill out a questionnaire before about what they were hoping to get from the retreat. Anybody who wasn’t in a relationship wanted to be in one eventually.

And so that’s what was great about it. We got to, we got to open up a lot about tools that can be used in searching for a partner and in, in speaking to people in the right way and, and concentrating on what we say. It was, it was great.

Honestly, it’s, it all tied in very well together, I think.

Emy

Perfect. So would, for the next one, would you do the same length of time?

Gabi

Because it was like from eight o’clock until, yeah, it was at eight 30, everybody was arriving and we wanted to be finished with sign-ins. Like we gave everyone a little goodie bag with some journal prompts, some hangout handouts. I believe we gave them a snack, a little fan and a few other things.

And so we gave those out, we signed the people in and then they had a shot, you know, a chance to sit and have breakfast. I believe we gave about an hour and a half to that fully. And I think it can be a little less next time.

These are the little changes that we would make, you know, maybe give a little bit of less time as far as that breakfast intro morning time goes. Most people were on time and like the breakfast was delicious, but it was a quick breakfast. And so I take a little less time of everybody just sitting around then.

And but other than that, I think that the length of the talks was great. Perfect. Long enough to get a lot of information in there, but short enough where nobody was bored.

Yeah.

Emy

No, I like the idea of two of you doing it because it breaks it up a little bit. It’s not one person talking for 40 minutes. It’s like it breaks it up between two people.

Gabi

Yeah.

Emy

Yeah.

Gabi

Like, you know, it brought such a playful, lots of laughter, which is really what we’re all like, you know, right. Despite these talks being very serious and giving great information, there was a lot of room for laughter and ease, which is what we wanted everybody to feel at the time, you know. And go ahead.

And so the timing for most of it, I think, was great. We can kind of like tuck it in a little bit in certain areas, maybe in the breaks in between. But even then, like, I think the long lunch break was great for everybody to talk and meet and you get to know new people, which is, I think, another big plus from events like this.

You get to meet like minded people that want to work on themselves, and that’s a great thing.

Emy

Right. Right. Right.

Um, there was another question that I had for you, but I didn’t want to interrupt you. Yeah. I mean, I felt bad not being there.

I had an emergency with one of my grandsons. And so I wasn’t able to go. I had to help my daughter-in-law and my son.

So I’m sorry. Thank you. I’m sorry.

I missed it. Um, one of the things that I was wondering is, oh, were there, oh, the other thing is the age groups. That’s what I was thinking.

That’s good. Is there like an age group for, or is it just any, so we had a pretty wide variety of ages there. Okay.

Gabi

From early twenties, thirties, forties, fifties. Um, I think we even had some early sixties in there. And so it was a wide variety and I actually also loved that.

Emy

Okay. Good.

Gabi

Yeah. We’re. And these are things that we were pretty nervous about.

So these, you know, the questions that you’re asking, like, they are the things that we were like, we, we kind of, we had an idea of what we wanted and we hoped it worked. And so we were very blessed that it did, you know, that having the couples and the singles together and having all the age groups that they worked in the way that we wanted, right. I think that everybody connecting and conversing and, you know, nobody was feeling left out.

Everybody just kind of came together in those moments that the breakout groups helped a lot with that because you got to know people and their story and, you know, you end up learning from each other. Like I was learning from people telling their stories and, um, it was just so helpful to have that information in the middle. And I think what people brought up helped us come up with ideas for the next tough love.

Emy

Perfect.

Gabi

Because you know, our ideal thought process was we’re going to make this an ongoing thing, right? And we, we’d like to do it more often. And, you know, we thought, we thought a lot of ideas right in the future, we might do one just for couples in the future.

We might do one just for singles. We might do, uh, you know, one specifically for women, one specifically for men. These are just ideas that we’ve thrown out there, but because the first one worked so beautifully with this like big mix of people, um, we’re keeping that on for the second, second tough love.

Yeah. Perfect.

Emy

And then do you have a date for the second one?

Gabi

We do. We do. It’s March 19th.

It’s going to be a Sunday this time. Last time it was a Saturday. So March 19th, we’re hoping the weather will be nice at that point.

You know, there might be some leftover chilly days. So we’re, we’re manifesting a nice cool day and there will be three different talks, right? So three different subjects that we’re going to touch on, uh, hopefully soon we can do another podcast to talk just about our upcoming, uh, March 19th, tough love, give you guys a little more information about, uh, what the talks will be like, who will be joining us this time, what the movement will be, but the structure will pretty much be the same thing.

Emy

Okay.

Gabi

Yeah. And so we’re, we’re very excited about it. Some kind of movement that we’re going to incorporate and we’d like to feed the mind, the body and the soul all over again.

The spirit.

Emy

I love that. I love that. Um, yeah, I mean, I can’t think of anything. Those are the questions that I had for someone that, you know, for, for someone that may look, be looking in the future to do a retreat on their own, create something like this. What do you recommend?

What tips do you give for somebody that would like to have a retreat, give a retreat things you’ve learned. Um, that you would like to pass on to somebody that, that is looking to do this in their own business. Yeah.

This is a little bit different than what we’re talking about, but I thought it would be interesting. Yeah.

Gabi

Absolutely. That’s a great, great way to close out. Right.

Um, I would say, I think one of the most important things is finding a space, finding a space that lends itself well to, to everything you want to put forth in this retreat. We knew that everything we wanted to incorporate, we would need enough space to make that happen. Um, then I would say, plan out a very clear schedule of how you want things to go and have a walkthrough of the day.

Like you’re going to get there at this time, this person’s going to prepare this, this person’s going to prepare this, like, you know, hand out the responsibilities beforehand. So everybody’s on the same page. If you have to create marketing material, start from the very beginning, right?

Unless you’re going to hire someone to do it. If, if you want to take that on yourself, uh, separate days, schedule and times to work on this marketing material.

Emy

Yeah. You guys did a great job of that.

Gabi

Thank you.

Emy

And planning that ahead.

Gabi

Yeah. I mean, we were, we were staying in the office very late, uh, working on the weekends. We created a lot of marketing material and we made the bags ourselves.

We made, you know, the shirts, the materials inside the bag. So it all came out beautiful, but it was very time consuming though. We, you know, we’re setting up.

It was great. Like we made it, we made it fun. So it wouldn’t be a drag and we wanted to keep everything fun and kind of put that into all the work that we were doing.

So we would have nights where we all hung out, thankfully we’re all friends and love each other. So we had little wine nights where we made marketing material and it was nice. So I would suggest planning ahead, right?

Putting in the times that you’re going to do this together and making sure that you’re creating these events with people that you like. I think that is a big one. You’re going to be spending so much time together, uh, sharing a space for so long talking about things that are so important, hopefully that man, you really want to do it with somebody you like.

Right. Right. Right.

Um, what else can I say? Uh, give yourself more time than you think you’re going to need as far as setup goes, you know, our setup took eight to 12 hours to really put it in, in the, now we have a great idea of how we want it to look, what we’re going to be doing. And, but, you know, we did it all ourselves because it was the first one.

So it was just, it’s a lot of time that you need to put into it, planning the space, the furniture, uh, you know, all the trinkets that you’re going to put to, to make it feel and look the way you want it to, uh, a lot of time needs to go into that as well. So I would say my main advice, my main piece of advice would be give yourself a lot of time.

Emy

Okay.

Gabi

You know, I think this was so successful because we put a lot of time into it and we scheduled a lot of time and we dedicated a lot of time, right?

Emy

You did. You did.

Gabi

Yeah. You did. Which was wonderful because it was very rewarding after all that work to see how beautiful the event was and how much people loved it.

So the time is totally worth it, but just really schedule that in because it’s necessary.

Emy

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And it was the first one too. So now you kind of know, is it going to be in the same venue? Yes.

Gabi

The one in the same venue.

Emy

So you already know the place. Yeah. So it’ll be much easier to set up and okay.

Yeah. Good.

Gabi

Yeah. And Melissa, the owner was so wonderful. Her and her husband joined the retreat as well, and it was beautiful to have her there.

She was so, she loves the space and she puts a lot of love into the space too. So it was just a lot of people who loved what they did, really diving into making it a really beautiful day.

Emy

Great. Beautiful. That’s what I heard, that it was beautiful and it ended up being a beautiful day too, right?

Yeah. In Miami, literally. Yeah.

It was really nice. Good. Good.

Good. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Good.

So we’ll start sending out information soon about, you know, now in the new year about the one in March and.

Gabi

Our Instagram already has a lot of information. You can find us on Cora Gables Counseling Center Instagram. We have a few posts about tough love and there’s also a tough love retreat Instagram that you can go take a look at and it says a lot of the information.

You can also message us with any questions or concerns you may have.

Emy

And yeah, so they can email and we’ll put this in the show notes, but they can email at retreat or retreats, R E T R E A T S at Coral Gables counseling.com. Yes. Right.

Yes. And then they can also call the office to be put on the wait list. Right.

Yeah.

Gabi

You can already reserve a spot. So the office has all of the information, but, you know, email is really the best way. We send a little link.

We send all the payment information. We’ll tell you what the day is going to look like. We have a few people that have already signed up, you know, from the last retreat that signed up while they were at the retreat to the second one.

So it’s, it’s great that we’re already moving towards that, but we’ll send you any information you may have, any questions you may have through the retreats email.

Emy

Okay. Perfect.

Gabi

One of us will respond.

Emy

So, so any questions you have email retreats@CoralGablescounseling.com. Yes. Okay.

Gabi

Good. Thank you so much.

Emy

Thank you, Gabi. Looking forward to this new one, to this next. I’m excited to have you there.

Super excited. Yes. Okay.

Bye. Bye. That’s a wrap.

Gabi

It’s a wrap.

Emy

Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye.