Transcript

Episode 106 – New Year Resolutions & Goals

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Cristina

INTRO – So resolutions, I agree with you, Emy. I think, you know, the definition in and of itself, firm decision to do or not do something. It’s so resolute.

It’s so final. It’s so rigid. And for me, anything in life that’s so rigid and not balanced out by flexibility is almost destined to fail, usually.

You know, I think it’s just not life. As much as you think you can plan everything out to the T, something is going to come in the way and change that path a little bit. And you have to be able to change paths and change course without it being devastating and feeling like a failure, because then you just fall down and you can’t even, you know, it’s difficult to even pick yourself back up.

Emy

Hello, everyone. This is Emy from the Counseling Corner. I’m here on a Saturday with my co-host, Cristina Fernandez.

And today we are we wanted to talk. We wanted to start off the first podcast of the year with New Year resolutions, but talking about do they actually work with a twist, with a twist? Do they actually work?

So did you want to go ahead and introduce yourself? For those of you that may not know me, I am a life coach at Coral Gables Counseling Center. And Cristina is another coach.

And she is also an attorney. She’ll introduce herself now in a bit.

Cristina

Hi, everyone. Cristina Nicole Fernandez here. I’m an attorney, a family law attorney and a life coach.

I work with people in transition, going through either a divorce or any other life transition. And I’m also a yoga teacher. And I’m happy to be here on the podcast today.

I mean, I are going to talk about New Year’s resolutions, we have some different points of view, not only from like, what is like the typical conversation on resolutions, and and you know, how to set goals and how to achieve them. But also, even, you know, amongst ourselves, as coaches, we have different points of view, just personally who we are. And I think what what I’m excited to talk about is how, for for everyone, this is different, right?

We’re everybody is different. So we’re going to share our points of view today. And what we think is is a good way to think about this and to approach this topic.

But, you know, for you in listener land, think, you what, what, what is it that, you know, that speaks to you, what works for you. And I think that’s what’s most important in the end, when it comes to setting resolutions and goals is really tuning into who you are as a person, what your needs are, and how you can, you know, get there. So right.

Emy

And also, Titi, you and I discussed how it may be different for us in every season of our life, right? Like, I’m now a grandmother, my, you know, my resolution, my New Year’s resolutions, and my goals, and we’re very, are very different now than they were when I was younger, when I had in your 20s, in your 30s and 40s running around. So it’s also being open to the possibility that you don’t always have to be the same person throughout your life, as far as your habits and the things that you do.

And our body changes, too. So our goals are different.

Cristina

And yeah, the interesting thing about life is that even if you try to avoid it, even if you don’t like it, even if it, if you’re terrified of it, you’re going to change, your life will change, your body will change, your mind will change. And with that comes a lot of other things. So being able to understand who you are, where you are in your life, and what your needs and wants are, is such a critical, important part of this conversation.

Because, you know, what, you know, if you’re listening, and you’re, you’re in your 20s, or maybe you’re in your 60s, like me, I’m in my 40s. So I’m in a point in my life where I’ve had a lot of experiences, and I have my career and I’ve had, you know, but I’ve also continued to evolve in that. And so now I’m kind of trying to take my career and take my goals for my life in a different direction, to another level, but with a lot more clarity than I had, for example, when I was in my 20s,

Emy

When I was starting off as a young lawyer, or in my 30s, after 10 years of practice,

Cristina

After 10, 12 years of law, I actually almost left, you know, what I was doing, and really changed, changed direction completely and started anew. So now, six years later, you know, my goals and what I want, and how I’m approaching my career has completely changed.

And what’s interesting is, what’s happening now, I couldn’t have envisioned five, six years ago, when I started to make those changes.

Emy

Correct. And it’s interesting, because it’s more for you right now, it’s more of a mixture of, yeah, practicing law. And now, Titi wants to, she’s getting certified to be a mediator.

Cristina

Yes.

Emy

So she has the part of law that she likes, she’ll be doing the part of law that she likes, in addition to the coaching part. So I think it’s a wonderful way of, you know, transitioning once again, into something a little bit different.

Cristina

Yeah.

Emy

And still being part of who you are, which is an attorney.

Cristina

100%. For me, I worked very hard for many years to get that law degree, to get the experience in practicing law. And I had to come to terms with how do I incorporate that into my professional career, into my work, in a way that is good for me, in a way that I enjoy.

And so I had to tap into who am I as a person? What do I enjoy most about this process? And it’s helping people resolve issues.

So now, as a mediator, I’m excited to be able to do more of that, you know, to help people find that common ground, have those difficult conversations in a meaningful way, in a respectful way, so that they can bring resolution to their life. Because at the end of the day, everything that you do in life should be towards trying to achieve peace in your life, trying to have peace and, you know, stability and, you know, feeling good about the decisions that you make, as opposed to, you know, doing things for the wrong reason, right?

Emy

Correct. And so you’re all probably wondering, what does all of this have to do with New Year’s resolutions? And so the reason we started off like this is so that you can first look at yourself before jumping, oh, it’s January 1, I’m going to do this, this, this, this and have it, you know, go on for, you know, the whole year and being consistent and doing things that maybe are not aligned with what you want or who you are.

So the reason we started the podcast like this is because we want you to first look at yourself, we recommend that you look at yourself, look at the season in life you’re in, and then decide, and then decide what goals do you want for this year, for this new year in 2025. So let’s start off, Diti, we talked about, let’s first design, let’s first define what resolution is. And the definition that I found is a firm decision to do or not do something, quality of being determined or resolute.

Right. And I, for me, I don’t know what it brings up for you. For me, what it brings up is that it’s a, it’s a definition, you know, I’m, I’m an English major.

So for me, words matter, right? And so for me, it means a lot of rigidity. And I think that, and inflexibility.

And so I think that that may be one of the reasons that research shows that not all of us that the minority finish, you know, complete the resolution.

Cristina

I think there’s a statistic out there that it’s like 34% of people set resolutions and like 9% or something like that actually accomplish them. Which is like, you know, we all almost are like setting ourselves up for failure.

Emy

Yeah, I have 87% of India. And we’ll talk about this later on in the, in the podcast, but 87% express confidence in their ability to maintain the resolutions and only 22% managed to stick to them.

Cristina

Yeah.

Emy

By February. And in fact, I didn’t know this. And again, we’ll talk a little bit about this, but there’s a quitter’s day.

Did you know that? Yeah. I didn’t know that the quitter’s day is the second Friday of January.

That’s so funny.

Cristina

So two weeks into the year, the first week of the year, everyone signs up for the gym. Everyone signs up for that class, whatever it is, but two, two weeks in by day 14, something like that. Yeah.

Emy

It says there’s a second Friday of January and it actually has a name. It’s a thing.

Cristina

So anyway, so resolutions, I agree with you. I mean, I think, you know, the definition in of itself, firm decision to do or not do something. It’s so resolute.

It’s so final. It’s so rigid. And for me, anything in life that’s so rigid and not balanced out by flexibility, is almost destined to fail.

Usually, you know, I think it’s, it’s not, it’s just not a life. As much as you think you can plan everything out to the tee, something is going to come in the way and change that path a little bit. And you have to be able to change paths and change course without it being devastating and feeling like a failure, because then, then you just fall down and you can’t even, you know, it’s difficult to even pick yourself back up.

But if you’re ready for those potential, you know, failures or, you know, changes or things that might come into the path and show you that, like I said, six years ago, I couldn’t imagine the path that I’m going down now. And where I had goals that I had set that didn’t pan out, but actually where I’m at is somewhere better than what I had imagined at that time. So I wouldn’t be able to be where I am today if I hadn’t been flexible with those things.

Emy

And it’s interesting because in looking back, I don’t, well, Titi’s my niece. And so, so that’s why I know her so well. And in, you know, in addition to working together.

So what I’m thinking is that time has given you the wisdom and the maturity to now evolve into something different and something new. Even me, that’s in my 60s, I’m still, you know, I’m still growing and I’m still maturing.

Cristina

I think if we’re not doing that until the day we die, then we’re not like reaching our fullest potential as humans, because we have that ability. We’re so like our brains, the way we are, you know, set up as humans, it’s fascinating, we’re able to actually accomplish so much. And so much that as a child, as a teenager, in your 20s, 30s, you couldn’t even have imagined.

So reaching for a little bit further, and we’ll talk a little bit more about what this means for us and setting goals later on. But, you know, kind of taking it a little bit further than what you’re even your imagination allows for today.

Emy

Dreaming, thinking of the possibilities, I think is a wonderful exercise to correct, for example, and one of the things that I was thinking in this flexibility and being able to, to change, I had a client that wanted to quit smoking. And so one of the things that we talked about is, well, not, not smoking vaping. And one of the things that we talked about is what about the thing with vaping is obviously that we can do it inside, right?

And so I said, What about if you, if you continue doing it, but doing it in a way that as if you were smoking cigarettes, where you would have to step out, and make it more convenient, make it more convenient, right, step outside, and then come inside making time to give you that pause before just grabbing it. And because, you know, I mean, I don’t, I don’t smoke. But I’ve seen people when they’re smoking, they’re vaping, and it’s kind of a lot of the times, it’s just, they’re not even realizing that they’re, that they’re actually vaping, right.

And so I recommended that she, the jump for her to stop was too much. And so I recommended that she just changed the way she does it the way that she does it, and gave herself that pause and step out and then come back in and step. And she was able to stop it, you know, because she was able to do it in a way that was in tune with the way with her emotions and the way that that she was doing.

So yeah, so that’s an example.

Cristina

Another example I wanted to bring up and DT and I talked about this very common one is weight, you know, losing weight or exercise, or having a new like routine for exercise and creating all these goals for, you know, whether it’s running a marathon or being able to accomplish a certain like benchmark in your fitness or your, you know, weight loss, correct, and being able to adjust to that.

Emy

For example, for me, it’s very, I’ve always had a hard time. I mean, has nothing to do with being in my 60s. When I was in my 20s.

My sister used to try to take me to yoga. And I’m very, very difficult. I’m not that I’m not as flexible.

I have to work harder and being flexible, right. And so when I was younger, it really didn’t matter. But now I’ve, I have the need to actually do the yoga to be able to stretch and, and add the movement in my joints and everything.

And so it’s allowing even though it’s not like my favorite thing, as you know, DT. She’s also a yoga teacher, she’s a yoga instructor, but opening myself up to the possibility that it does that today, I don’t have to love it. I just know that it’s something that is good for my body.

And I want to, you know, add it to my life.

Cristina

And at the end of the of every single class that we do, I mean, you always feel amazing.

Emy

I know.

Cristina

And you’re like, Oh, my God, and then my tennis game improved. And I my serves were great. And my shoulders felt amazing.

And I felt so powerful and strong. And that’s the thing for everyone. I say yoga is for everyone.

Even if you feel that you’re not flexible, even if you think it’s too slow. Everybody, we actually need that we need a little bit of a pause. And we need a little bit of a slowdown to actually tap into the body and the mind, which is why yoga is such a beautiful tool for that.

Emy

Correct. And, and, and, and being able to do it in a way where it you can adjust it so that it doesn’t have to be 100% these, you know, movements, and then transitioning from one to the other, you can adjust it in a way that makes sense for 100%.

Cristina

That’s, that’s why I say it’s for everyone. But it’s important to find a teacher that can teach you in that way and let you feel comfortable to be yourself in that class. It’s a personal practice.

So it’s like you have to show up as yourself on the mat. And this is the same for, we’re talking about yoga, but I’m going to make this analogy to every single thing in life. If you’re doing exercise, if you’re trying to quit smoking, if you’re trying to accomplish something at work, or in your, your relationships, whatever it is, you have to show up as yourself.

Emy

Correct.

Cristina

And the best version of yourself is going to be the one that can show up just in the best way for that. And that doesn’t have to mean standing on your head, or being able to do handstands or flips or whatever, to be able to do yoga, even if you’re just sitting and breathing, it’s still yoga. And there’s benefits in all of it.

Emy

So show up as your best self and whatever you’re trying to accomplish in your life and make it in a way where it’s sustainable long term so that you’re not quitting on quitters day.

Cristina

Exactly. I actually wanted to take it back a little bit to resolutions. And so there’s there’s something interesting I found in preparing for this podcast today.

And it’s the history of resolutions. So actually, resolutions date back to the Babylonians.

Emy

Oh, wow.

Cristina

And yes, and and so apparently, the Babylonians on their new year, they would set intentions and goals, you know, goals or, you know, make resolutions to the gods, that they were going to do certain things that they were going to plant their, their crops, and that they were going to pay their tithes, and that they were going to do certain things. And this was to gain favor from the gods, so that they could then have a wonderful, you know, year. And so this is it, this dates back to the early, early times in history.

And so why do we even do this every year, right? There’s like, this new season comes, we have the holidays, and then the new year comes, and everybody’s thinking the same thing. What am I, who am I going to be next year?

What do I want for my life? And it dates so early back in history and time.

Emy

And I think it’s great, and it’s such a good point, Didi, that you bring up. I think it’s good to be, I think it’s a great thing to be able to continue the tradition by adjusting it to modern times, right?

Cristina

Today, to your life. Not only to the modern times, because, you know, we’re not setting these resolutions or goals for our gods, or for, you know, as the Babylonians did. We’re setting them, you know, it should be more for ourselves, perhaps for our family, for our relationships, and our friendships, and the important people in our lives, but mostly for ourselves.

And so what does that mean? Tap into who you are, and what you need, and who you are today. That’s going to be so much more powerful, right?

And be able to, you know, set you up for something that you can accomplish, and that turns into something that just builds you up to that next level, helps you adapt and change to this world that we live in today, and to who you need to be and show up for as, you know, as today. So let me ask you, why do you do, do you do these resolutions? So personally, many years ago, I stopped making resolutions, because I felt that my entire, I think I was like 34, 35 at the time, and I had just gone through a divorce, and I felt like every single resolution I had ever set on the new year, I had never actually accomplished.

And so I tried to look at it in a completely different way, and what I started doing was setting an intention. I would actually pick a word, and you’ve done this with me before.

Emy

Yes.

Cristina

Picking a word for the year, which was my intention. And so everything that I would do that year, and every time I would meditate, or do yoga, or do any personal practice, like self-care practice, that’s the word that I would focus on. And so whether it was in my work, whether it was in my physical, you know, fitness or health arena, or in work, or with friends, or anything that I did in my life, I was trying to do it with that intention or that word in mind.

So I think that the why is really important. And ask yourself, why am I wanting to do this? That’s going to give you the motivation that it takes to then, on those difficult days, instead of quitting and never picking yourself back up, you can, you know, sit back and take a rest.

Why am I doing this? Oh, I’m doing this so I could feel great. What do I need to do today to feel great?

Maybe I need to rest and not go to the gym, or do yoga, or not work on this project that I’ve been working on that’s going to help me achieve my financial goals, or whatever it is. Maybe today what I need to do is rest. Maybe what you need is a nap.

And I think we need to give ourselves permission to have that because, again, what is the intention behind this goal? It’s going to help you reach that more. So that’s what I do.

And I think that that practice has actually helped me. I feel like every year I’ve set these intentions, and maybe every single goal, per se, that I had in mind, I didn’t actually reach or meet. But the intention was there behind every act that I, you know, that I did.

And so I felt like I accomplished the things that I really wanted to accomplish or that I needed to. Because sometimes we think we need certain things, and that’s actually not what we needed.

Emy

Right, right. I think for me, I’ve always started off the year with resolutions. It was like a thing all the time.

But that’s why I wanted to, you know, to do this podcast with you when I reached out to you. Because I realized that all these years that I’ve been creating resolutions, it’s kind of like, I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna make it. I’m gonna.

And then, but I would have goals that I would meet, right? And for some reason, I separated the two rather than, okay, this is what I planned for the year. And when I call, you know, I, again, words matter, right?

So for me, when I’m setting a goal, I kind of follow up, I target it, I, I track it. And with resolutions, it always felt like there was no, even though it’s very rigid, I felt that there’s no, that there wasn’t a way of keeping track of it. No, I’m just gonna lose weight.

There was never a number to it. There was never. Right.

Cristina

And so, I want to lose 30 pounds. Even if you say that, like, right, it’s almost like, okay, why is it even that number? And why, why, like, you know, maybe, exactly why, like, as opposed to, I want to be the healthiest version of myself.

And then, how do you accomplish that?

Emy

One, one of those things could be losing weight, if you physically need to lose weight, because it may be your weight, but maybe that 10 pounds is enough to get you where you need to be, right? And but we’re thinking 30 and 40 pounds.

Cristina

Yeah, we often go for these, like, unreal, not not even unrealistic, just like the most drastic big changes that actually, in the end, don’t necessarily always accomplish for us what we really needed. A lot of times, we end up, you know, going through, like, drastic measures, drastic diets, drastic things that then don’t stick, and they’re not, they can’t last. So, after you meet that goal, then you go back to your old habits, because you didn’t, like, set up something that was sustainable.

Emy

Correct.

Cristina

That can last in the longer run. So, taking smaller, actionable steps towards reaching that goal, like, you know, changing the way you, your lifestyle, the way you eat, the way you think about food, why are you eating this, why are you doing this particular movement, exercise, you know, why are you, and then if, if you approach it in a different way, it’s more likely to stick and be long lasting.

Emy

Correct.

Cristina

So, why resolutions often fail? I think we, you know, we just talked a little bit about this. Setting goals that are too big or vague, like, not specific enough, right?

Emy

Right, and we’re going to be doing an additional podcast. The next one that we release will be on setting goals. So, I just want to let everyone know that we will have a podcast on setting goals.

Go ahead, Titi.

Cristina

Yeah, so, other reasons why resolutions fail, not having a clear plan. So, not having, you know, certain steps that you’re going to take to accomplish that. So, instead of, you know, I’m going to lose 30 pounds, well, no, I’m going to incorporate this new practice, whether it’s a physical practice, a mental practice, whatever it is, and then when you incorporate that, it’s going to actually give you clarity and give you another practice that you need to incorporate into your life.

And maybe it’s two or three practices that you incorporate, but, you know, not overdoing it, not taking it so far, and, you know, but having a plan towards how you’re going to get there. All right. You know, also, again, the all or nothing thing, right?

I’m going to, like, go all in. I’m going to lose 30 pounds. I’m going to run a marathon.

Well, guess what? In order to run a marathon, it actually takes several months of training, and when you start training, even though I haven’t done a marathon, I’ve seen how people train for it, and you start with running a mile, and then you build up to two, and then three, and then four, and then five, and so if you’re not taking that first step, if you’re just trying to run that marathon on the first day, you’re gonna fail. You will not be able to do it.

Emy

Correct.

Cristina

Even the best marathon runner, like, if you, when you start a training, you have to start at 101.

Emy

Right.

Cristina

Day one, you know?

Emy

And we talked about tracking, right? If we, well, we can start something, so we talked about, let’s say, somebody losing weight, right? And I had mentioned Didi, for example, somebody that wants to lose two pounds per week, let’s say, which I love a plan like that, because it’s very, it’s more measurable, and you can look at it more on a weekly basis, and see where you’re at, and two is much better to look at than having to look at, you know, 20, or 30, or 10 pounds.

Right. So, one of the things that we talked about is, for example, somebody, let’s say, wants to lose two pounds a week, and the only thing, and they didn’t lose, you know, they weigh themselves, they haven’t lost the two pounds. And so, looking at, okay, what is it that I did this week, that I may be able to tweak and adjust, right?

So, instead of the all or nothing mentality, well, you know, it’s not working, and stopping, then now taking it on to then believe that you can go ahead and just adjust. What is it that you need to do? And for example, in this case, it may be adding, we talked about this, more protein to the salad, and that may kick it up, and have you, this is, you know, this may or may not work for people, but what I’m saying is an example of how you can adjust, and then check it out, and try it again, and continue adjusting and tracking.

But just because you didn’t lose the weight, then it’s, you know, okay, I can’t do it.

Cristina

Exactly. So, checking in with yourself. Maybe you didn’t lose those two pounds, but then you look at, okay, what did I do this week?

And maybe it’s simple enough that you didn’t drink enough water. Like, every, all of these things are so important in your health overall. So, if the goal is to be the most healthy, look at what is it that your body needs to do that, and then you can take two pounds as a measurement, but if you don’t accomplish the two pounds, you have not failed.

You just adjust, and, you know, again, every human body is different. What your body needs is from what my body needs.

Emy

Correct.

Cristina

And so, you know, and maybe that’s talking to a nutrition coach, or a nutritionist, and figuring out actually what your body needs.

Emy

Right, and knowing, look, I can’t do it on my own, and opening yourself up to the possibility of looking for help. A hundred percent. To help you get there.

Cristina

And looking at different ways of approaching every single little thing, every single little thing that you’re trying to accomplish in your life. Again, whether it’s an exercise, or, you know, health goal, or work. You know, talking to, you know, a coach, or a therapist, or somebody who can help you work through what is it that you actually want that maybe you have never even thought about before, because then that’s going to actually help you accomplish those things better.

So, being able to, like, self-evaluate, introspection, like, being able to look into yourself a little bit deeper, and maybe that’s a process that you can do alone. Maybe it’s something that you need a coach for, or, you know, or a friend. A friend who you can talk to, and, you know, maybe it’s just having an accountability partner.

Emy

Correct.

Cristina

That you, you know, then have a buddy that you can, you know, and whether that’s a friend, or a partner, or a family member, or a coach that you can work with.

Emy

Right, and even if the ones that can’t, that may not, that believe that they may not have the resources to get a to help them, you know, resort to the podcast, like this podcast. We have other, there’s other podcasts out there. So, if there’s somebody that you admire, and you’d like to be able to work with them in the future, start off by listening to their podcast.

Cristina

A hundred percent, and actually, we’ll share in the in the show notes some resources that are online, but there are free apps out there. Free apps. There are free apps.

There are journals that you can get that are not very expensive, or even go online and find goal tracking, you know, templates, and, you know, just starting a journaling practice, maybe just literally taking any notebook that you have, and being able to write these things down. So, then you can go back and reflect, and then, you know, and, you know, maybe you don’t have a friend, or a partner, or somebody that you think that you can talk to about this, but there are many free support groups out there, or programs that, you know, that are set up for this, and many free resources. We live in Miami.

I’ll share some amazing, you know, free resources of, like, free yoga, and mindfulness, and things that exist. So, even if it’s something that you think you can’t afford, or maybe you don’t have time for, well, maybe you need to look into actually how you’re holding yourself back, because there are so many ways that you can do this without spending money, and even at home, you know, making five minutes for yourself, out of your day, we all have time for that. Five minutes, you know, I’m not talking about having to take, maybe you don’t have time for an hour yoga class, and to travel there, and do whatever, because maybe you have children, and a demanding job, or whatever it is, but everybody has five minutes, even if it’s hiding out in the bathroom from your children, locking the door, you know, or after they go to bed, taking those five minutes before bed, so that you can go within for just a few minutes, and it will make that big of an impact in your life, that little by little, you’ll see how much more time and flexibility you have than what you even thought.

Emy

Right, and the ones that have the, you know, our friends out there that have a nine to five, too, right? What can you do? Can you get up and, you know, walk for a few minutes, and then come back, and sit down, and continue working?

Yeah, and sometimes you feel stuck, that’s something that helps, too, right?

Cristina

Being able to get up, get out, going outside, taking a breath of fresh air, you know, just being more mindful about the way that you take a, you know, approach your day, because it’s going to make an impact on how you are able to then go beyond, you know, just work, and your home responsibilities, and be able to focus on a little bit more time for yourself.

Emy

Right, and meet your goals. One of the other resolutions, reasons that resolutions fail, is the time frame pressure.

Cristina

Yeah, so like, I have to do this by, you know, even the week-to-week thing can be a lot, right? But we say, by the end of the year, or by June, in six months, I’m going to lose 20 pounds. You know, listen, maybe you get sick, maybe your job, you know, gets super demanding, or maybe actually what you needed was to gain a little bit of weight, because you’re building muscle, and muscle helps you to burn fat at a higher rate, but muscle weighs more than fat.

So maybe, actually, your fitness goals led you to gain a little bit of weight, and that’s what your body needed. So having these, like, goals, I have to do this by a certain amount of time, ask yourself why? Putting that pressure often makes it so we can’t even, like, again, I didn’t do it, so now I failed, and then, you know, that mentality, the psychology behind it a lot gets us stuck.

Emy

Right. We’re in control of our goals, and our, to use the word resolutions, but we’re in charge of our goals. We have options, but we think that we don’t, right?

Like, oh, by the end of the year, this year, this is what I’m going to do. So by December 31, I need to make sure that I’ve lost X amount, right? What about if you don’t?

Are you just going to, and this is considering if you last until December 31, right? What’s wrong with taking it to January, February of the following year, you know? And so open yourself up to the possibility that it doesn’t necessarily have to be, you know, done by a certain time.

Cristina

A hundred percent, yeah. So I want to share some examples of some goals that are often more successful, rather than, you know, I’m going to lose all this weight, or, you know, goals that focus on personal growth rather than the actual outcome, you know? So I talked about this in the beginning.

I changed it to, from a resolution which I felt was, like, so strict and constricting to me, to intentions. So focus on what is it that you want to feel, and maybe that’s incorporating a gratitude practice into your life, which I think is hugely impactful. If there’s only one thing that you do this year, and you’ve never done a gratitude practice this year, I encourage you to start a gratitude practice, and that is so simple.

It takes two minutes to just sit and think. You don’t even have to write it down. If you write it down, it might be even more powerful, but, you know, incorporate gratitude into your everyday life, and if it’s just that you’re grateful for being able to wake up today, for being able to breathe and move, which for me has often been a huge gratitude practice that I’ve done because I have dealt with severe medical issues in my life, and so sometimes the one thing that has been most impactful for me is just being grateful to be alive, and that is hugely impactful.

If you start to, you know, feel that, actually feel it and really think about it, take a moment to, you know, whether it’s, I’m extremely grateful I have my Aunt Emmy, you know, and a wonderful, you know, family and wonderful friends, and being able to recognize that has actually led to the most growth in my life and the most sense of fulfillment, and it doesn’t matter that I didn’t meet those goals I set six years ago, because the ones that I have are so much greater that I hadn’t even imagined, you know, so things like gratitude practice, prioritizing self-care, again, prioritizing just taking those five minutes for yourself, if it starts with five minutes, eventually it’ll lead to something much deeper, much, you know, bigger, because you gain clarity in those moments, you gain, you know, you gain a lot that you don’t even, if you’ve never incorporated a self-care practice, that is something that will lead to huge, tremendous change in your life, and other things like learning a new skill or hobby, you know, maybe it’s tapping into a creative part of yourself that maybe you haven’t done since you were a child. When I was a child, I played instruments, and I played around with music a lot, and I was a dancer, a ballet dancer, so now as an adult, I spent so many years working and going to school, and I kind of lost sight of that part of myself, and now what’s brought the most significant change in my life in the last few years has been tapping into that inner child, what I enjoyed most as a child, music, dance, and actually pushing myself to, you know, do things that, you know, I never even thought I could do, like playing with music, DJing, and even going out and just dancing, and in that, I’ve made so many new friends, friendships, and connections, and connection with myself, most importantly.

In those moments, I’ve been able to like tap in so much deeper than any other thing, any other goal of going to the gym, signing up on the first day of the year for the gym, and then going for two weeks, and quitting on quitter’s day, and then literally paying for it for the rest of the year, because I had a year membership that I never used, so, you know, try to change the way you approach it, and maybe it’s going to that free yoga class, you know, journaling once a week, or every day on gratitude, or whatever it is, writing down one simple thought, one simple phrase, thinking about one word that you can like focus on every day, and that will start to lead and guide you in every little step, and every little decision that you make throughout the year, and then you’re going to look back and be like, wow, look at everything that I was able to do, and approaching it with kindness and love towards yourself, as opposed to this like rigid, I have to do this in a certain way.

Emy

Correct. One of the things that I’m really gung-ho on learning new skills, right? I’m still at my age, I’m still learning, I mean, I learned how to play tennis.

Yeah. In my 50s. Yeah.

I’ve never played tennis in the past, right? Yeah. I learned when I in my 50s, and I realized, oh, my God, I was doing it as a favor for a friend.

And that’s how it started.

Cristina

Right.

Emy

Let me just, you know, and now you love it, and you can’t live without it. And now I yeah, I play tennis all the time. And it’s something that I’m constantly working with pros to help me improve my serves and my strokes and things like that.

So so there’s always it doesn’t matter, regardless of your age. It regardless of what other responsibilities you have, there’s always time to learn something new, a new skill, which also the added plus in learning, in my case, tennis, is that I have my tennis friends, right? Because my friends from, you know, my lifetime friends and family don’t play tennis, right?

So I had to create another group of friends so that I can play.

Cristina

Yeah, but my my friends, you know, all have kids and work demanding jobs. And so when I got divorced, I like had to go out and make new friends. So I tapped into that new hobby for myself of going out and dancing.

And through that, I made so many new friendships, so many new connections in my life. And again, that’s the beauty of like, just trying something new and going out there and doing something different. It really like can bring so much significant change into your life that you never even expected, never even knew that you wanted or, or could tap into.

So just a couple of things just to start wrapping up. I want to remind everyone that, you know, there’s a thing out there that, you know, with in 21 days, you can form a new habit, it actually takes an average of 66 days to form a new habit. So go easy on yourself, take some time, give yourself time.

And again, if you come back to why are you doing this, it’s going to help you to be more consistent to tap back in when you lose that energy, to focus on it and accomplish your goals. It’s going to help you be more consistent and build that habit that lasts beyond that first two weeks of the year, beyond the first few days of the year. And to be able to revisit and reframe the goals, right?

Emy

You know, it’s okay.

Cristina

Well, exactly what what went well, and then what did I love about this that I didn’t even expect, and then maybe do more of that, right? And be okay with not doing what you thought you needed, correct? Because actually what you thought you needed was not what you needed.

So if you’re able to look at it that way, then you’ll you’ll see that that is actually where you can accomplish the most change in your life. And then also, you know, I want to, for those of you out there that like, are listening or, you know, think about this and think, why do I even have to set a resolution? You don’t, correct?

This is not for everyone. Don’t, you know, give yourself permission to tap into you being good enough exactly the way that you are, you know, and loving yourself exactly the way that you are. I believe that maybe everybody doesn’t.

And maybe for maybe that’s this moment of your life, being able to be love yourself exactly the way you are is exactly what you need. And then maybe that will take you to being able to achieve a much bigger level of growth in that moment when you are ready for it and when you need it.

Emy

Correct. And maybe that is the resolution, right? Like the New Year’s resolution, accepting yourself for who you are today, and no longer needing to do anything this year, or today or this week.

Cristina

Yeah.

Emy

Knowing that that may or may not change.

Cristina

Yeah. So I would love for you guys out in listener land. We’re going to be posting some, you know, some of this stuff in the show notes and also some resources, but share with us.

Please tap into our social media at Coral Gables Counseling Center on Instagram. We’re also on LinkedIn. We want to hear from you guys.

Tell us what you think about resolutions and what has worked for you, what hasn’t. We want to keep this conversation going. We’re going to do another podcast specifically on goal setting and how to do that and what our thoughts are on it.

But share with us. We want to hear from you. Everybody is different and we can all learn from each other.

And also, you know, we just we just love this conversation. We love this topic.

Emy

And we welcome any opinions that are different than ours, right? We’re always open to listening to new things and new ideas. So let’s nothing.

Let’s change things up a bit.

Cristina

Yeah. So I’m excited to talk about this more. And, you know, if you can stay focused on the fact that this is not about the end destination, about that, that end plate, like, we’re always going to have somewhere further that we want to go.

So just enjoy the journey. Enjoy the path that it takes to get there. Enjoy the little steps along the way and the changes that will come.

And you’re going to see that. I think for me, at least I’ve seen that that brings me to just enjoy my life a lot more every single day. You know, enjoy it every single day.

And if you’re not, ask yourself, are you doing the right thing? Yeah. And I love that.

Yeah. So enjoy the journey. So thank you for listening and for joining us.

And that’s a wrap.

Emy

And that’s a wrap.