By Anastasiya Rusilka, Mother of Three and a Mental Health Counselor
I want to tell you something I wish more people would say out loud: “Parenting is hard!”
Not just busy hard. Heart hard. Mind hard.
Do you remember what you felt when you first gave birth? When you held your little angel in your arms for the first time? When you realized you’d help a new soul develop and grow?
For me, it was a spectrum of all the feelings at once: joy, happiness, frustration, peace, anger, fear, love. And an enormous sense of responsibility. Suddenly, I was the person who would guide this little creature – offer them light and clarity, support, understanding, and acceptance without judgment.
But wait a minute—there are no instructions on how to do all this. No explanations for how to guide, how to stay patient, or how to be always energized. And that’s the truth no one really warns you about.
They tell you about the diapers, the sleepless nights, the feedings. But they don’t prepare you for the emotional weight of becoming someone’s anchor. For realizing you’re the mirror in which they’ll learn to see themselves.
That’s when you realize you need to start with yourself.
So, let’s ask honestly:
- How do you teach love without conditions if you’ve rarely offered it to yourself?
- How do you model patience when you’re running on empty?
- How do you guide calmly when you’re full of fear and self-doubt?
The truth is many of us grew up in homes
- where love felt conditional;
- where patience was limited;
- where anger felt dangerous or silence felt cold.
We carry those lessons in our bones, even when we swore, we’d do it differently. So, when we become parents, we’re not just raising our children. We’re re-parenting ourselves. That means the work isn’t just about guiding them. It’s about healing ourselves.
It’s learning to pause before reacting—even when your entire body is screaming to yell.
It’s recognizing your own fear or shame and refusing to pass it on.
It’s admitting you don’t have all the answers but choosing to stay in the hard moments with them.
And that’s messy work.
It’s humbling.
It’s tiring.
But it’s also the most loving thing you can do.
Because when you choose to do that work—even imperfectly—you’re showing your child:
“You don’t have to be perfect to be loved.”
“You can make mistakes and still be worthy.”
“You can feel big, messy feelings and not lose connection.”
So no, there’s no instruction manual.
No guaranteed way to always be patient, calm, and energized.
But there is a way to be honest.
To say:
“I don’t have it all figured out, but I’m here.”
“I’m learning too.”
“I love you enough to keep trying.”
Because in the end, that’s what they’ll remember most:
- That you stayed.
- That you cared.
- That you kept choosing love, even on the hardest days.
I know this is big work. And big work can feel overwhelming when you’re already tired.
So here are a few simple, practical things you can actually try today – small ways to bring more calm, connection, and compassion to both you and your child:
1. Take one real pause.
Even 30 seconds. Step into the bathroom, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Say silently: “I’m safe. I’m trying. That’s enough.”
2. Speak kindly to yourself.
Catch one critical thought and rephrase it like you’d talk to your child. Instead of “I’m such a bad parent,” try “I’m having a hard day, but I love my kids and I’m trying.”
3. Apologize when you need to.
If you lost your temper, don’t hide it. A simple “I’m sorry I yelled. You didn’t deserve that. I was feeling overwhelmed. I love you.” teaches more than any lecture.
4. Say no without explaining it away.
If you’re exhausted, it’s okay to say: “I can’t do that right now. I need a break.” Your kids need to see boundaries in action.
5. Make eye contact and really listen.
Just for one minute. No phone. No multitasking. Let them see you’re truly there with them.
6. Let something go.
The dishes. The perfect bedtime routine. The guilt. Choose one thing to release today so you can breathe.
7. Remind yourself why you care.
Put a sticky note on your fridge: “Connection over perfection.” Or “I love them enough to keep trying.”
With love and gratitude,
Anastasiya
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
There is no perfection—just good enough. – Anonymous
