The comedian Bill Burr has a great bit (though NSFW) where he talks about wanting to carve a pumpkin at Halloween. But he can’t – because his friends will mock him for not being manly enough. He extends the joke to talk about how men will tease each other for needing a coat when it’s cold out or an umbrella in the rain.
Why does “being manly” mean ignoring your feelings or biological needs?!
The “manly men” in Westerns and war movies sleep with rocks for pillows. And they never curl up on their sides in a comfortable position. Because being cozy is not what men do?!
I remember being told as a teenage boy that a man is allowed to cry on three occasions – when his dog dies, when his dad dies or when his team wins the championship.
What about after a breakup? Or the birth of your child? Or because you stubbed your toe really badly? Or just because it was a hard day?
These “rules” are antiquated, artificial, and harmful. Though there are, admittedly, some attempts in the cultural zeitgeist to update the definition of “being a man.” One of my favorites is a tough looking guy on screen with muscles and tattoos holding a pink toy phone to his ear and the caption says “I don’t care how ‘tough’ you are, when your daughter says ring ring on her Playskool phone, you answer that MF’er!” (Even the caption has to throw in some foul language though, to be clear that you’re almost aggressively answering the little phone.)
So this month being Men’s (Mental) Health Month…I encourage you to BE A MAN.
Be a man – get your colonoscopy and prostate checkup.
Be a man – tell people in your life you love them. Yes, even guy friends.
Be a man – buy yourself a warm jacket and a good umbrella.
Be a man – create something, and not just with hammer and nails or smoke and meat. Draw. Paint. Write. Cook. Sing. Dance.
Be a man – actually answer the question “How are you, dude?” Don’t just make a sarcastic joke and walk away.
Be a man – be respectful to women. Even the ones you’re not related to.
Be a man – love yourself. Take care of yourself. Be proud of yourself. Thank those who remind you to be your true self.
QUOTE FOR THE WEEK
Vito Corleone: “Tell me, do you spend time with your family?”
Johnny Fontane: “Sure I do.”
Vito Corleone: “Good. Because a man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man.”
