I didn’t change, I just found myself…

Coral Gables Counseling Center - Thursday, September 19, 2019
By Cristina Nicole Fernandez, Esq.

Divorce Coach

When it comes to self-improvement, I don’t believe it’s about changing ourselves.

People often say that people don’t change unless they want to, and maybe that’s true. But do we really ever change? Or is life really just a process of finding yourself? One in which you get to know and grow to love yourself? And maybe you realize you didn’t actually change, but really found your true self which was just hiding the whole time…. hiding behind many, many layers of other things (emotions, fears, characteristics, biases, judgments and perceptions)… that really never belonged to you.

I believe this is our life’s challenge and purpose. To figure out who you really are and love yourself so much it hurts. This is where happiness begins.

Whether you are in the process of a divorce (or breakup), facing an illness or mourning the loss of a loved one, struggling in an area of your life (work, financially, socially, struggling with weight), suffering in anyway (which by the way, we all are in some way)…. I believe this is a special moment in your life where the most transformation and growth can occur.

These are some practices that have helped me and I hope can help you tap into your greatness and find the burning love within….

(Re)Discover your Passions, Values and Interests

After my seventeen year relationship ended, I realized how much of myself I did not even know or recognize. Somehow, along the way, I lost touch with what I really wanted for MY life. Do something you enjoyed in your youth but haven’t done in years! Volunteer, do yoga, take dance or music lessons, sit on the beach with just yourself and a good book and see what happens…

Block out the Chatter

Everyone has an opinion, most people are curious about what is going on in other people’s lives. Particularly when going through a life changing event, the chatter and opinions come flooding in from all directions, and you can feel them even when you can’t hear them. Block it out. Create your own narrative and share with those whom you can truly trust and who bring positivity and light into your life. Protect your energy and block out the negativity.

Build Your Community, Hang with Like Minded People

It’s always important to grow your circle of influence and support. By getting out in the world and trying new things, your community will naturally grow. Grow it consciously, pay attention to the people you meet and forge real connections.

Do One (New) Thing for Yourself Every Day

The small things matter. One new thing a day may sound intimidating or like a lot. But taking 10 minutes to do something different – drink your Cafecito outside in the morning, take a walk, reach out to a friend you haven’t spoken to in years, dance under the full moon, buy a hammock and just lay in it and surrender (this is my favorite one)…. Break the routine and most importantly have FUN. Create little pockets of joy for yourself in each day.

Go of Past Experiences, Thank Them and Say Goodbye

Embrace the experiences you have had (good and bad), LET GO and strive each day to create new experiences for yourself as this is where the magic of transformation happens. Forgive and love yourself for who you were yesterday and be excited about the person who you will become tomorrow.

In short, be strong and positive in your thoughts, and do something special for yourself each day. Trust me, focusing on your happiness creates happiness even when going through the most difficult heartbreaking situations you can experience in your life.

By the way, I got this note from the universe this morning as I wrote this blog…

There are no coincidences

If you are going through a divorce or have recently gone through a divorce, join me and Gabriela Reyes, MFT for a 12-week Workshop: Transformation Through Divorce beginning on September 25th at 7:00 p.m. where we will implement some of these practices and cover the topics you want to know about and others you don’t even know you need to know.  Contact us at 305.445.0477 or cristinanicole@coralgablescounseling.com to setup an interview and get more information! Limited Spots available.

What one new thing can you do for yourself today?
Leave your comments here.