In my last blog, Why Boredom is Good for Kids, we talked about how being bored sparks creativity, and how it teaches children to keep themselves occupied and entertained. This time, let’s talk about something most parents would rather their kids never have to deal with…STRESS.
Many parents want to protect their children from any kind of stress. They smooth things over for their kids, step in early, and try to make life as easy as possible for them. It comes from a good place. No parent wants to see their child struggle. However, here’s the thing: shielding kids from stress can sometimes end up hurting them more than helping them.
Not all stress is bad. In fact, the right kind of stress can:
1. Increase focus. A little pressure, like an upcoming test, a sports tryout, or a performance can actually improve a child’s attention and motivate them to prepare. Without some stress or challenges, there is often little reason to push themselves or try something difficult.
2. Build confidence. Every time a child faces a difficult moment and gets through it, even if they make mistakes along the way, they learn that they are capable of overcoming that obstacle. Those experiences build confidence and teach them, “I can handle hard things.” That belief carries into future challenges.
3. Help them grow. Struggling with a tough homework assignment, having a disagreement with a friend, or losing a game teaches problem solving skills that can only come from experience. These experiences help children develop patience, flexibility, and the ability to manage challenges.
4. Prepare them for real life. Life will include stress, no matter how much we try to prevent it. Deadlines, disappointments, relationships, responsibilities, and unexpected challenges are all part of growing up. Kids who never have opportunities to practice handling smaller amounts of stress may struggle more when bigger challenges appear later in life.
Dealing with stress is often discussed during sessions, especially with parents who have built successful lives after going through real hardship themselves. Some came to this country with very little, worked long hours, faced constant stress, and eventually created a good life for their families.
It is no surprise that these parents do not want their own kids to go through what they went through. They try to give their children everything they did not have and protect them from the stress they experienced growing up. However, it is worth remembering that those difficult experiences played an important role in shaping who they became and the success they built.
Their kids do not need to experience the exact same struggles. However, allowing them to face age appropriate stress and work through challenges on their own is part of what can help them build confidence, independence, and the ability to succeed.
So when does stress stop helping and start hurting?
Stress becomes a problem when it is constant and overwhelming, or when a child feels they have no one to turn to. Rather than trying to eliminate every source of stress, parents should focus on making sure their child feels supported, guided, and confident that they can get through life’s challenges.
This is really the goal: not to remove stress from your child’s life, but to teach them how to manage it. Messing up and making mistakes is part of the process. Your job is not to prevent every hard moment. Your job is to be there to help them process it afterward.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP AS A PARENT?
• Resist the urge to fix everything right away. Ask questions instead of immediately giving answers.
• Let natural consequences happen when it is safe to do so. A missed assignment, a lost game, or a difficult conversation with a friend can all provide opportunities for learning.
• Check in on how they are feeling, not just what happened. Stress that is talked about and processed is often easier for children to manage than stress that is bottled up.
• Remind them that struggling is not the same as failing. Struggling is part of growing.
For some kids, this is where therapy can help. It gives them a space to talk about what is stressing them out, whether it is school, friendships, or things at home, and to build real tools for managing stress instead of avoiding it. It is not about fixing the problem for them, it is about helping them build the skills to handle it on their own next time.
Kids are more capable than we often give them credit for. Our job is not to clear every obstacle from their path. It is to walk alongside them while they learn how to handle those obstacles themselves.
I’ll leave you now with this final thought…
Step back, lean in, and trust your child’s growth. These small struggles will help them build resilience and understand that they are strong enough to handle the hard challenges of tomorrow.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“As your kids grow up, they may forget what you said, but they won’t forget how you made them feel.” Kevin Heath
