By Emilia Maria Alvarez
Little Emilia (actually, back then my family called me Emily, so let’s call her little Emily) had some pretty great ideas. Her philosophy was simple: if she wanted to be something, she would just do what the greats did—pick it up and start.
Take skateboarding. Little Emily thought skateboarders were the coolest. So, to the dismay of her mom, she got a skateboard and started riding. A few cuts and bruises later, she could confidently call herself a skateboarder.
The same went for drumming. One day she thought, “Drummers are so cool—I want to be one!” So, to the dismay of her neighbors, she got a drum set. It didn’t take long before she was a drummer too.
I bring up little Emily’s perspective because September is Self-Improvement Month, so what better time to reflect on who we want to be, and what steps we can take to get there?
I also think her approach is a great reminder of the power we all have: if there’s something we want to become, the path starts with action.
Shifting the “I Could Never” Mindset
We have two options when we see something we’d love to do or be:
- “That would be so cool… but I could never.”
- “That would be so cool… what would it take to get there?”
That one shift opens up everything. It applies to hobbies, careers, finances, mental health—any goal, really. Once you identify the destination, you can map out the route. But if you don’t know where you’re going, it’s a lot harder to figure out which road to take.
A More Complicated Example
Now, for the devil’s advocates who might say, “It’s not always that simple.” You’re right—it’s not. But even complicated goals can be broken down into smaller, doable steps.
Take my college years, for example. I was extremely depressed for a long time. I felt stuck. But one of the biggest turning points came when I realized just how much my behavior was reinforcing my depression. I realized I was living like a depressed person.
I noticed that all my jokes were self-deprecating—not because I disliked myself, but because I didn’t want to put anyone else down. Still, that constant negative self-talk had to go. So did the sleeping all day, avoiding exercise, and binge-eating junk food. I began to recognize those things as “depressed person behaviors.” And as long as I kept acting like a depressed person, I kept thinking and feeling like one too.
So, I reminded myself to model my actions after people whose life I’d like mine to look like—my “heroes,” and Tony Robbins doesn’t stand on stage cracking jokes about how terrible he is. Why should I?
I didn’t keep dwelling on being depressed, and I didn’t obsess over “fixing” it. I focused on what I did want: peace of mind and excitement for life.
And then I acted accordingly. I planned events, went on spontaneous road trips with friends, watched the sunrise, and sought out moments that lit me up.
Ironically, the planning itself became fun. And ten years later, I’m still applying that lesson: if you want to be something different, start by doing something different.
Designing Your Life
So, here’s your call to action:
Think about the life you want to live.
Think about the person you want to be.
Get specific. Imagine your ideal day-to-day. How would you describe yourself to someone new?
For example, if your ideal day includes relaxing evenings with endless entertainment options, you might explore services like IPTV Canada to access a wide variety of shows and channels tailored to your preferences
Think of it like planning a dream vacation. You can’t figure out flights or hotels until you know the destination. And the destination isn’t permanent—it can shift, grow, or change completely as you do. But once you have it in mind, you can map the route.
And if you try something—say, picking up guitar lessons—only to realize it’s not for you? That’s okay. Sell the guitar, pass it on, and move to the next thing. You’re not trapped. The whole point is to design a life you want, not to chain yourself to something just because you started it.
Keep Moving Forward
As long as you keep moving forward—trying new things, keeping what you love, discarding what you don’t—you’re on the right track.
Set realistic expectations, of course. If you’re 50 and decide you want to be an astronaut, NASA probably won’t be calling anytime soon. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get involved in space projects, volunteer, or dive into astrophotography. With enough research, creativity, and gusto, there’s always a way to connect with your dream.
Some of my own goals weren’t about skills at all—they were about character. I decided I wanted to be a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter, and an intelligent worker. Then I thought about what being those things meant – and I practiced them. I googled, I researched, I asked questions. Because here’s another truth: you don’t have to have all the answers yourself.
The Bottom Line
Self-improvement doesn’t mean becoming a completely different person overnight. It means identifying what you want, making a plan, and taking the first step.
So, ask yourself: Who do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to live? Write it down. Dream it out. Then go take that first small action.
And if you’d like support in figuring it all out, I’m always open for a chat. You can reach me at emilia@coralgablescounseling.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.”
Zig Ziglar
