Stop Having the Relationshits!

Coral Gables Counseling Center - Friday, February 03, 2023
By Nicole Herdocia-Oria , RMFTI, MS

There are always challenges we face within the trenches of a long-term relationship. Some conflicts include, financial struggles, parenting stressors, health issues, and sexual issues to name a few. I get it, these issues can get overwhelming and can make it very difficult to not only grow a relationship but even to maintain one.


Learning and understanding relationship skills can help turn your “relation-shits” into positive health benefitting, meaningful partnerships.  Let’s re-hash how!

Relationship Skills to Learn:

  1. Improve communication – By being able to identify and understand your own communication style as well as your partner’s, we not only know ourselves and our partner better, but our entire dynamic can improve because the communication will improve.
  2. Know your needs as well as your partner’s – Figure out your love languages! Only then will you be able to properly communicate them to your partner to get your needs met. Additionally, with understanding your partner’s love languages as well, you can strive to meet their needs too! Who is selfish? Not you Baby!
  3. Setting Boundaries – let your partner know what is and isn’t an acceptable behavior. This can be very challenging but being open, honest and respectful when placing these healthy boundaries can strengthen relationships.
  • Setting healthy boundaries is not about criticism, judgment or blame.
  • Healthy boundaries are about understanding limits for yourself and your partner and feeling secure and valued regardless of your differences.
  1. Expectations vs Reality – This is a tough one because it can be challenging to decipher the difference between them.  Communicate to your partner what you expect from them and from the relationship instead of hoping they meet them which would most likely result in being disappointed when they don’t.

Instead of just hoping they get there, Give them the road map! In order to be able to provide that road map you need to reflect and figure yourself out first.  If not, you may not even really know where “there” is.  Once you know where to go only then can you help your partner get there faster. It’s efficient. I don’t want someone to drive me around blind not knowing where to turn.  If we can figure out where we want to go first, then give them directions, they’ll get there faster!
Bonus: as I always say: This also applies to sex. You’re welcome.

Speaking of sex…

Sex increases emotional security and connection with your partner:
Feeling disconnected from your partner can lead to reduced sexual activity, and a decreased sense of security in yourself and within the partnership, that can negatively affect the relationship.  Frequent romps with your partner increases the connection between you, creating more intimacy and desire for each other.  Sex is another way to cultivate the relationship and keep that connection alive.
Schedule sex appointments:
For many long-term relationships, its easy to collapse in bed exhausted after a long day and say, well do it tomorrow.” But more often than not, tomorrow never comes. (That’s what she said)

Its important and yet so difficult to establish or reintegrate a healthy sex life in your relationships. Which is why Im a big proponent of scheduling sex. That means actually sitting down with your partner and putting times and dates on your calendars based on what works for both of you.

For example, some individuals may feel particularly more ready in the evening while others in the morning or afternoon. Compromise to meet each others needs or take turns choosing times. Choosing a time that youre more likely to be mentally and emotionally engaged can go a long way.

It could be a regular weekly afternoon delight” or naked Sundays.  As long as its taken seriously and respected as a time to connect and be intimate in whatever way that means to both of you. Its referred to as maintenance sex” because it nourishes your bond and upkeeps your intimacy.  It can be what is needed to keep that satisfaction and connection alive! Hopefully, youll keep doing it and doing it and doing it well.”

“Love is an ice cream sundae, with all the marvelous coverings. Sex is the cherry on top.” Jimmy Dean

Given the positive influence of healthy relationships on mental health, it is crucial to develop positive, healthy relationship skills to help alleviate stress and better understand yourself and improve your relationship dynamics.

Not sure where to begin?  We’ll go over these relationship skills, ways to improve your sex life  and a bunch more at our Tough Love Retreat on March 19th!  We invite you to (Re) treat yourself.  Join us for some fun and helpful guidance to have better sex, better relationships with others and more importantly with yourself.

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